Hey bloggers, I had quite a bit happen to me in this past week. I have been looking at places and not to jinx it but think I have found a place. I have decided I am moving to Wisconsin as all in all it is a better thing to do. This week has been very tolling for a couple of reasons. The main reason is all the love I am getting that you just take for granted. Let me explain… So at work I work really hard and at the same time try to have a fun time at my job. Well I have at least 4 to 6 people who are making it very hard to leave. I really am thinking as the days go by will we stay in contact will we go our separate ways, I guess time will tell. Even when the night could not possibly go worse it’s these people who make it fun to the point where you might have a billion things to do, but you have fun getting them done. As I don’t want to say names I love those people at work and always will.
Today I was cleaning my apartment and was just getting hit with memory after memory. My lease ends July 24th and my whole life is gonna change. I will get to live with my parents gain enough money and a proper transfer to be able to get to Wisconsin to be with Teisha. Why I say it’s a long night is I have been working all night on the apartment and its a crazy mess. Today I went to my landlord and just started bawling my eyes out with tears. I just could not stop crying for a bit there. I have known and learned to love this land lord and all she has done for me. She does not care bout me being an AB at all she just loves me. She really is almost another mom to me. As I type this I start to tear up and look at how scatter brained this blog is(LOL). I have a lot of support I will be leaving in Iowa and its going to be hard but it’s for the best and I hope it leads to better things. I do wish a certain 3 people would transfer work with me but that cannot happen.
As far as Cat and Nathaniel go the key to me being sane and being there for me, I think that going to be one of the hardest. First off Nathaniel, this dude has been with me through the shows through the before I even was so open. Yes he makes fun of me but in a loving way and god I will miss him. For heavens sake he made my high chair.
Then there is Cat, oh Cat. She and I have known each other quit well for many years. Through the good and bad we have stuck together as friends. Even when we were going out people asked us if we were brother and sister a ton, and you know what now that I found that we were not meant to be she will always be a sister to me. My one hope for her is she starts being truthful to the people she loves. I just want to see her happy in what ever she does, and not have to hide with lies like she has. I know she will read this and I hope she does.
Lastly my family. My Dad has been there for me even when we have had differences he has always tried to understand, and even help me out more than I deserve at times. I have learned that though we might not think alike at times that in the end no matter what I say do or believe in he will always be with me 100% of the way. My mom, though I don’t show it that much I love her to death. She may not understand me now and may never will but its gonna hurt not to see her. She may be crazy but in the end I love her. My sister, again I don’t show love to her as much as a should either. Stuff happened with her awhile back that has made it very hard, and no matter what anyone says I can’t help but blame myself a little bit.
I am not leaving Iowa quite yet and it is yanking my heart like no other. At the same time there is so much opportunities in Wisconsin. Teisha met me off my blog after just dreaming about being my mommy. She watched the show with her mom and even admitted to her that she wanted that. Out of all the families that reached out to me she was not one of them and for that I think its special. We have had a hell of a relationship so far and it just gets deeper and deeper. I have to thank from the bottom of my heart her best friend who I will not name but she probably saved our relationship over all with here awesome idea. So when I went searching for a family I found more than that. I was not planning on falling in love with someone again as it had been a 6yr break up. Despite what she says of how she looks compared to others I’ve dated or how we are so different or any of that I know in my heart that once we get to see each other more and have fun we will be forever together. I have had many people baby me and treat me as I feel to be treated but for some reason Teisha really knows her stuff and out of everyone is a VERY good mommy ANNNNNNNNNNNND girl friend. People ask me, are you really making this trip for her only, and you want to know the answer. Yes I am, is it risky, yes. Is it leaving a lot of things behind including a job that I feel right in, yes. At the end of the day though as I told Teisha you have to take risk to get anywhere in life, if you don’t take risk you could watch the things you love most pass you by.
Sorry for the long post, but during this I have cried like a baby. I love everyone in Iowa, but I need a fresh start and I love Teisha and everything she brings to the table, I really think her and I were meant to meet each other and all this stuff was supposed to happen.
(sorry no pictures just thoughts.)