Day by day everyone has their own struggles, some are harder than others. Whether it is trying to be happy to even trying to do your best everyone has them. For me my struggles are a little different to say the least. A lot of the time it is hard for me to want to be an adult. This goes for work, school in public, and at home.
When I was in school, lets say highschool I wore diapers to class to make it feel like a baby. I also would have a pacifier in my pocket with none being the wiser. Now this was back when I was a lot more self conscious about the situation at hand. Now I could careless who sees or what ever. Back in highschool was tough, everyday I would think someone saw that I was wearing a baby diaper, or somehow someone was talking behind my back. Which in reality this never happened, or so I don’t think. The real kicker was trying to change in the restroom with no one figuring out what you’re doing. You can ask anyone now, and I am so quick at it, but back then I wasn’t. I always thought about what if I get caught, there going to take me to the nurse and whats going to happen. Well I got through highschool………somehow and moved on to better things.
The other difficulty I had as a child was not wanting to go to school. Most kids don’t want to go to school but for me it was different. I felt like I didn’t belong there because babies don’t go to school. So many MANY days I skipped, I just felt it was wrong to go. I also felt that doing homework and such was just not me so I never really did it till junior year when I figured I didn’t want to be a highschool drop out. Every time I would skip, I would watch TV. Well when I look at TV I watch anything from Teletubbies to YO Gabba Gabba. The odd thing about it is, I could sit there for days watching that and not be bored AT ALL. Other things I would do is trying to research why I have these behaviors on the internet. I also had a secret stash of toys and hid them so no one knew besides my sister, what was going on. My parents probably thought that the Sesame Street comforter I always slept with, was because it was comfy but in reality it was because it was Sesame Street.
Lastly the hardest struggle back then was to tell people. My parents didn’t know untill I was 17. The only people who knew were my cousin who also was an adult baby, and my sister. So trying to keep that hidden and being stuck thinking im basically the only one who is that messed up in the brain. I felt very lonely, depressed and was all around just a very dark person at that time. Later on I would find out when your true to yourself, that you can live a really happy life.
My next post will be on my struggles now and how I deal with them. Till then, thank you for reading my blog, and I do appreciate the comments.